Loss is the hardest part of life

I have been thinking about loss lately especially when I just passed the first year anniversary of my grandmother passing away and about to reach the eighth anniversary of my grandpa. I know this a part of life, but its also the absolute worst part of life. I will never be okay with loss being a part of life. My Grandpa was the first person I lost a month after my 20th birthday. As a kid and into my teens I had been to some funerals/memorial services but never knew what true loss felt like. I was just on the outside looking in. I always knew any loss was super sad, and people have to go through a grieving period. My main fear has always been losing people close to me. I always thought loss just looked like lots of crying and sadness. It wasn't until the loss of my grandpa that I really understood that loss was not just crying and being sad. Loss is numb. Loss is anger. Loss is crying. Loss is depression. Loss is anxiety. Loss is confusing. Loss is lack of appetite. Loss is depression. Loss is pain. Loss is feeling lonely. Loss is so many different emotions and no one handles it the same way. I had no idea how to handle what I was even feeling. I obviously did cry and the pain was almost unbearable because my Grandpa meant the world to me but my main emotion was numb, and almost unfeeling. I thought all I would do was cry, but I was opposite. I was anger for a long time and the loss didn't really hit me until a full year later. All the emotions hit me like a tidal wave because I was numb for so long. With my grandpa it was sudden without warning, he was just here one day and gone the next. With my grandmother she had a terminal illness and I grieved a lot before she passed. She also meant the world to me. On the morning of her passing I just stood in my kitchen and stared at the wall. I was numb once again and sad. Loss makes me almost unfeeling and not sure what my emotions even are. Loss is the most painful thing in this world and there's not really a recipe for getting through it. No one ever gets over loss I feel, its just gets easier to cope with overtime. Its one of those things I guess everyone learns to live with. Even though I wish loss wasn't a part of life, It has made me cherish life all the more. Life is truly too short and it has made me all the more thankful. I really cherish my family and friends all the more and make sure I really let those most important to me know how much I love them. Life is not forever, and no one is guaranteed tomorrow. We only get one life and each day is precious. Even though Loss is the hardest part of life, Life is beautiful! I smile and think about all the good times with my grandparents and always hold them close to my heart.

Till next time!

S.