My first breakup and what I learned

I have been in the dating world for a while now and its not a fun process. I have been online dating for 7 years. I stopped for a while then signed back up with a different site I have never tried before. Its always the same profile after profile, and feeling discouraged. Online dating pretty much sucks. I was about to delete my profile back in June because it had been almost a year and still no luck. I decided to give it one more month. It was the beginning of July when this guy liked me. He was actually a cute guy and had some of the things on his profile I was looking for. I liked him back thinking yeah yeah we will match but there will nothing that comes of it. He ended up messaging me and we started actually having a real conversation. For 3 weeks we messaged, and talked on the phone twice before meeting in person. I met with him for the first time in person and the date went well but I left feeling still unsure. Of course who is really sure about anyone on the first date. The next 3 weeks were texting everyday, phone calls, and more dates. I really started to like him, he was so different from anyone I had ever met. It was our third date that we spent longer together and we spent over 2 hours on the phone afterwards. He even sang to me over phone, made me laugh, and I felt like maybe just maybe this was it. It was shortly after that he picked me up at my house for the first time, and when he hugged me he literally picked me up off the ground. It literally was starting to feel like a fairytale. It was that day we spent hours talking, going for a walk, and holding hands for the first time. He asked me to be his girlfriend that day in the cutest way possible. We spent time talking until later in the night. He kissed me on the hand even, super romantic. He had qualities that I wanted in someone. His hugs felt like home. The next couple weeks were amazing full of late night phone calls, sweet romantic messages, and I miss you texts. There was even one night when he kissed me for the first time that he sang and danced with me in the garage. Even though we came from two different worlds, things felt amazing between us and things were progressing and we were getting closer. We seemed to want the same things in life, he always made me laugh. We would both say " wait! You too!" with stuff. There was always good morning and good night texts always. He even met my parents. Just as soon as things between us got amazing everything changed... He changed. Phone calls were less, text messages were nice but not romantic anymore, and the I miss you texts stopped. Our relationship became something I really hoped it never would. Things were said that were hurtful, and tears became a regular occurence for me. I dont know what was going on other than I knew relationships werent supposed to feel like that... Its not supposed to feel that difficult to spend time with someone. I didnt feel like a priority anymore. We wanted different things, and didnt agree on some of the deeper things. I still dont understand some of it and perhaps never will. He isnt a bad guy, and has good qualities, i just wish I was treated better.. I think there were other things happening i didnt know about. I honestly think some of it was because he couldnt let go of the past and forgive himself. I really hope he can let the past go and give it to God and not take it back. And look to the future so he could truly see the potential in himself that I saw and I know that God sees. I was/ wanted to be supportive of him in all aspects. I was so hopeful he was the one because the search would be over, but God had other plans. The night we broke up we could not see eye to eye on something important, and I hit my breaking point. I suggested we breakup and he said he could not be the guy I needed.. For a little bit I wish I handled things better and I wish he had too, but we are only human afterall with romantic feelings. It wasnt working between us for a few reasons. We both started crying when we realized it wasnt going to work between us. We were able to end on a good note. He hugged me one last time in front of my house and it felt like he didnt want to let me go. He kissed me one last time and it ended up being the best kiss I got from him. I buried my face in his chest crying really hard hoping maybe this wasnt happening but reality set in. I looked him in the eye and I wiped away one of his tears and kissed him on the cheek and we hugged again. I grabbed him once more kissing him and I secretly hoped he would fight for me but instead he disappeared into the night after kissing my hand one last time. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I was someone that treated him kindly for the first time in his life and it was my first relationship. I truly believe we were meant to meet even if that means a short time. What I learned is sometimes people arent right for each other in a season, other times it just is what it is and that it just doesnt work out. No matter how hard you try to make it work, sometimes things just arent meant to be. Either two people are meant to be together or they are supposed to be with someone else. What is meant to be will be. I know we will both meet someone because everyone deserves true love and happiness. I truly hope he is doing well and all his dreams will come true. Goodbyes are soo hard but sometimes its for the best. As painful as its been I have learned alot through this experience, and whats really important to have in a relationship. I have cried long enough. Now its time to heal my heart and get on my knees and pray.

Till next time!